Contrary to how that title may sound – this is not a sexy post – but rather about finding yourself.

After my divorce was final and I decided to log onto the dating apps – a good friend sent me a box of lingerie with a note that said, “there may be a time – be ready!”

I laughed…oooo and ahhhed at the black lace and the hot pink thong, blushed slightly and stuffed them in the back of my underwear drawer…in case I should die unexpectedly. I didn’t want my kids to think their mom wore “gross stuff like that…”

The dating apps made me feel like I was literally throwing money out of my car window…there was a wide variety of men…some fuzzy hats(it was the middle of summering I could only assume they were in a country in a different season) muscle shirts, and one man even wearing a dress. Every now and then I would open my underwear drawer and stare at the beautiful sexy black pair I seemed destined to never wear…but one day it changed. I met a man who was sexy, brilliant and we even had the same kid schedule with our exes – which meant we had 3 nights a week to get down and dirty..we didn’t…but for the first time I actually unwrapped the black panties and cut the tag off…thinking…we we’re getting closer to that moment. He went out of town on business…and then vacation…and then went dark.

It seems silly but I was invested – as much as you can be with someone who keeps you company as your lugging your garbage cans down the driveway…or drops an iced doppio off at the front desk while I’m stuck on. the radio…so I eventually tucked the panties away once again…and forgot about them. Until – I left my job of 5 years, went on 17 job interviews…and got unemployment.

Suddenly, I was going to become a content creator and for 7 weeks worked tirelessly on the concept, talked a good friend of mine into becoming my executive producer…and became connected 24/7 to all things digital.

At long last – it was my time for our first show…and while I was actually being styled which meant a 200-dollar sweater and 300-dollar pair of jeans…undergarments were not discussed..and rightfully so!

After getting out of the shower at 4am and sorting through pies of unfolded laundry searching frantically for a pair of my granny panties it suddenly became clear – her handwritten not came flashing back to mind – there may come a time – be ready!

It couldn’t have been more true – I was starting my own independent show – and needed to feel my best…my confident sexy best. So, I wore the sexy black panties not for a man – but for myself…and that was the gift.